What the Hell...?

I don't have any idea if this is true or not, but I sure did find it funny. Got it on email.

Essay on Hell

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington> chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Here is the professor's "Bonus Question": Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only heaven . . thereby proving the existence of a divine being . . . which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
_____________________________________

Other News:

Trevor is very excited that Grammy and Grandpa are coming to visit (probably with presents!) in two weeks.

Hurricane Ernesto did not hit Tampa!!! (whew)

My hand surgery (see post titled "Irony?") was successful. i am pretty much healed up and the scar seems to be fading some already.

I have a great book to read and review this weekend. I know it is great because it was written by M. E. Ellis.

Holiday weekend coming up - the beach is calling. Just another day in paradise!

We're back!

Some interesting points were made in comments on the last post. It's not so much whether I endorse marijuana smoking or not, but the fact of it's being illegal while other as bad or worse things are legal, is one of the many inconsistencies of our government.

I kind of feel the same way about allowing "adults" of 18 years of age vote, smoke cigarettes and go to war, but they can't have a beer until they're 21.

As far as gays marrying, or having the legal rights allowed a husband and wife joined by a civil union, why not? And why do so many people spend so much time worrying about it? Who's getting hurt?

"Traditional" marriages can be absolutely wrong and horrible, involving abuse, adultery, etc, and most end in divorce anyway. Go worry about that.

Anyway, enough about that stuff. We just got back from a long weekend in Key Largo. Had a great time but still recovering. We camped at Pennekamp State Park, ate at our favorite restaurant, caught up with all our friends, drank too much beer, you know, all that fun stuff!

Hopefully I will get back to posting somewhat regularly (not to mention keeping up with all of YOUR blogs!) by next week after I have finished doing laundry, unpacking and cleaning the motor home. Again, all that fun stuff (HAHA).

Debate?

Some interesting topics came up at work today, in conversations with doctors, patients and co-workers. One such topic (brought up by a patient) was the legalization of marijuana. Involved in the conversation were the patient, her daughter, the doctor and myself. Everyone seemed to feel pretty much the same way: that pot is more or less harmless, when compared to other drugs, alcohol and tobacco. Also mentioned was that if it were legalized, it could be taxed and regulated. So you'd think the government would be all for legalization.

Same subject arose later amongst co-workers. The same doctor, myself and two other employees were talking. Everybody had more or less the same feelings described earlier. The doctor even pointed out that, as far as total effect on overall body health, alcohol and tobacco/nicotine are far worse than marijuana. Also agreed upon was that the same rules should apply to smokers as to drinkers. Such as acceptable (legal) levels and DUI penalties, etc. so what's the big deal that makes it different?

The other topic of note was gay marriage, and the separation of church and state. If the two (church and state) are completely separate entities, then why are gays forbidden to legally marry on grounds of it being morally (religiously) wrong? One person even went so far to say that marriages should not be performed in churches - that "marriage" is a legal arrangement and therefore should be handled by legal officials. Here I disagree. People should be able to get married wherever the hell they want to get married. You have to go to the courthouse and do the paperwork before you can get married, in a church or otherwise. Legally married, that is. So whose business is it where they perform the ceremony? Or how old they are (as long as they are legal adults)? Or whether they are gay or straight? If the church (any church) chooses not to recognize a gay marriage, then so be it. But why does that dictate the government's stand on the issue?

Opinions, anyone?


-

Friday Funny

I got this on email today:


An award should go to the American Airlines gate attendant in Dallas some months ago for being customer focused, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded American flight was cancelled after the plane had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I have to be on this flight and it has to be NOW". The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out".

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please?" she began. Her voice could be heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the American attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F...k You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

Have a great day!

Been There, Done That

Found this on Valkyrie's blog. Thought it was kind of interesting - makes you think about the things you have and haven't done in your life.

Highlight the ones you’ve done…

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music.
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions.
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone’s life

-->

The Adventures of Toilet Boy and Other Stories

When I got off work, I phoned my husband on the cell phone, as is my usual habit. He did not seem to be in the best of moods, but I did not ask. Finally, he sighed and said, "Well, I might as well tell you now..."

Needless to say, that got my guard up BIG TIME. I sweetly asked, "Tell me what, honey?"

Background: we have a hallway and part of our living room completely "Trevor Proofed" and fenced off, and allow him to run around in this area with minimal (if any) supervision. Down the hallway are 3 doors (2 bedrooms and a bathroom) which are always closed to deny access to Trevor. When I go to work in the morning, I put Trevor in this area to play until Johnny gets up. Well, Johnny got up right after I left for work, needing to pee. He did so, didn't flush knowing he would use it again for #2 within the next hour or two, and went back to bed.

An hour and a half later, he woke up and headed for the bathroom. Well, there's Trevor in a pool of yellow water, completely soaked and quite happy with himself. He had opened the cabinets and played with the roach motels (thank God nothing too dangerous under there); unrolled, torn up and eaten some of a roll of toilet paper; strewn the contents of the watsebasket all over the floor and splahsed water (and piss) all over everything. Johnny still doesn't see the humor in this. I, however see lots and lots and lots.

Now here's one I will probably laugh about tomorrow. Or the next day. Anyway, the ophthalmologist's office I work for typically offers the latest procedures and treatment options available. The newest drug out for macular degeneration is an injectable medication called Lucentis. It comes in a small glass vial and consists of about .2 cc's of clear liquid. (that's point two cc's). The cost? $1950.00. Per dose.

I am travelling to one of our out of town offices tomorrow, and was entrusted with 3 vials of Lucentis to transport there. I got home, brought the Lucentis inside, as it needs to be refrigerated, and had the bright idea to show it to Johnny. I pulled out this little tiny glass vial and hold it in front of him. "See this? Guess how much this costs?" Johnny was reaching for his glasses as I stood there with the glass vial in one hand and the box it came from in the other. As I started to hand it to Johnny it slipped through my fingers and fell.

I said, "OH SHIT! That's $2000!!" and hit the floor searching for it. It was nowhere. I pulled all the cushions off the couch, we lifted up the couch and looked underneath it, I dug through the trash can that was nearby. I searched my pockets, the coffee table, the end table and the entire floor of the living room. I got a flashlight and searched again. Nowhere. I was shaking, cursing and almost in tears by this point. I kept saying, "It can't have just vanished! It HAS to be here somewhere!"

I saw the other 2 boxes of Lucentis waiting to be put in the fridge, and the one open box next to them. I figured I'd better take care of what was still accounted for, and then search again. So I picked up the open box, looked inside and saw a vial of Lucentis. I looked in the other two, and guess what? You got it - vials of Lucentis. That little fucker had somehow fallen directly into the box I held in my other hand, even though Johnny and I would both swear that it shouldn't have, based on where I (thought I) was holding the vial and the box in relation to one another. I had been sooooo dreading reporting to work tomorrow that I had lost a vial of Lucentis because it disappeared into thin air before my very eyes.

Like I said, it will be hilarious tomorrow.

-