The Adventures of Toilet Boy and Other Stories

When I got off work, I phoned my husband on the cell phone, as is my usual habit. He did not seem to be in the best of moods, but I did not ask. Finally, he sighed and said, "Well, I might as well tell you now..."

Needless to say, that got my guard up BIG TIME. I sweetly asked, "Tell me what, honey?"

Background: we have a hallway and part of our living room completely "Trevor Proofed" and fenced off, and allow him to run around in this area with minimal (if any) supervision. Down the hallway are 3 doors (2 bedrooms and a bathroom) which are always closed to deny access to Trevor. When I go to work in the morning, I put Trevor in this area to play until Johnny gets up. Well, Johnny got up right after I left for work, needing to pee. He did so, didn't flush knowing he would use it again for #2 within the next hour or two, and went back to bed.

An hour and a half later, he woke up and headed for the bathroom. Well, there's Trevor in a pool of yellow water, completely soaked and quite happy with himself. He had opened the cabinets and played with the roach motels (thank God nothing too dangerous under there); unrolled, torn up and eaten some of a roll of toilet paper; strewn the contents of the watsebasket all over the floor and splahsed water (and piss) all over everything. Johnny still doesn't see the humor in this. I, however see lots and lots and lots.

Now here's one I will probably laugh about tomorrow. Or the next day. Anyway, the ophthalmologist's office I work for typically offers the latest procedures and treatment options available. The newest drug out for macular degeneration is an injectable medication called Lucentis. It comes in a small glass vial and consists of about .2 cc's of clear liquid. (that's point two cc's). The cost? $1950.00. Per dose.

I am travelling to one of our out of town offices tomorrow, and was entrusted with 3 vials of Lucentis to transport there. I got home, brought the Lucentis inside, as it needs to be refrigerated, and had the bright idea to show it to Johnny. I pulled out this little tiny glass vial and hold it in front of him. "See this? Guess how much this costs?" Johnny was reaching for his glasses as I stood there with the glass vial in one hand and the box it came from in the other. As I started to hand it to Johnny it slipped through my fingers and fell.

I said, "OH SHIT! That's $2000!!" and hit the floor searching for it. It was nowhere. I pulled all the cushions off the couch, we lifted up the couch and looked underneath it, I dug through the trash can that was nearby. I searched my pockets, the coffee table, the end table and the entire floor of the living room. I got a flashlight and searched again. Nowhere. I was shaking, cursing and almost in tears by this point. I kept saying, "It can't have just vanished! It HAS to be here somewhere!"

I saw the other 2 boxes of Lucentis waiting to be put in the fridge, and the one open box next to them. I figured I'd better take care of what was still accounted for, and then search again. So I picked up the open box, looked inside and saw a vial of Lucentis. I looked in the other two, and guess what? You got it - vials of Lucentis. That little fucker had somehow fallen directly into the box I held in my other hand, even though Johnny and I would both swear that it shouldn't have, based on where I (thought I) was holding the vial and the box in relation to one another. I had been sooooo dreading reporting to work tomorrow that I had lost a vial of Lucentis because it disappeared into thin air before my very eyes.

Like I said, it will be hilarious tomorrow.

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