Me? Post About Golf? Ha!

Golf seems to a fairly popular blog topic. My dad, John, for example, has a little obsession going on. Those of you who read his blog, well, you know what I mean.

Anyway, someone emailed me this funny golf joke last night so I decided to post it today.

I started browsing some other blogs first, though, and happened upon Peter's. He has posted not one, not two, but eleven golf jokes. Pretty funny ones too!

Well, I'm glad it's not a contest, because I would have had my ass kicked.

Here's the joke anyway:


HONESTY

On the 2nd tee of the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair, it meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me."

His wife was hurt, but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you."They embraced and kissed.

On the 17th tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me of your affair. Since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also.

Thirty-two years ago I had a sex change operation, I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me"

The husband froze at the top of his back swing, and then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers.

He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul...

...and all these years you've been playing off the ladies tees!"


HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

Another Costume Idea...

Or not!

Don't forget to set your clocks - spring forward, fall back. We get an extra hour today!

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What will you be for Halloween?

What a day! I had planned on posting today but don't really have the energy.

Well, I guess I have the energy to post a joke, but not to come up with anything creative.

Trick Or Treat!

A little boy and girl go trick or treating.

They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says, "Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?""We're Jack and Jill" the girl replied.The man says, "You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!"

They go off and a while later they come back dressed differently.

They ring the do or bell and once again and the man opens the door."Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?""We're Hansel and Gretel" says the little boy."Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black!" says the man.

Heads hung low, the kids leave.Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again.

This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCK NAKED. "Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?!" he asks.

"Chocolate M & M's," said the little girl. "I'm plain. He's got nuts."

The Long Run

We have tried a number of times over the last couple years to buy a DVD recorder/player that actually works. We have a DVD player that works. And in the past we have had VCR's (video cassette recorders) that worked.

Well, a couple years or so ago, our VCR died, so we decided to upgrade to a DVD recorder. We bought one (inexpensive) that worked for about 3 months. Hoping it was a fluke, we traded that one in for another one just like it, which worked for about 6 months.

Then we bought another one, a different brand, slightly more expensive. It worked just long enough that we couldn't return it to the store. My husband smashed it with a hammer.

Then we bought a mid-range to expensive one that worked for the better part of a year. Guess what? Right. It soon went in the dumpster.

Yesterday we bought another one, yet a different brand, inexpensive to mid range. Yeah, we are gluttons for punishment. It was the most complicated by far of any of them. And once we finally got it figured out, we found it didn't work!

I had pretty much decided if I never got another DVD recorder it would be too soon.

This afternoon, the cable guy knocked on our door. He offered us an upgrade to digital cable (twice the channels) plus a DVR system (digital video recorder, like Tevo) for only about $5 more than we are paying now for regular cable.

And, if I switch over my phone and internet to this company, I get a package discount, so the total price is within $5-$10 of what we're paying now. There are lots of extras, so we are getting way more bang for our buck.

Sometimes things just work out for the best in the long run.

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Joke Day

Peter at Holties House has invited anyone interested to participate in a blog joke day. This is not a meme, repeat, this is NOT a meme!

Here's how it works:

The idea is to pick a joke which everybody who wants to participate publishes on the given day along with their own joke, which may or may not be along the same lines.

This is the starter joke, and it's a reasonably funny one too.

Blond Joke.

A blind man and his guide elephant enter a bar and find their way to a stool. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the man yells to the bartender; “Hey , you wanna hear a blond joke?”

The bar falls quiet. In a deep husky voice the woman next to him says; “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 1.82 tall, 90kg blonde with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and she’sa weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and she’s a pro-wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister; You still wanna tell that joke?”

The man says; “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”


Now here's my joke:

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week.

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her."Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"

The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful. What does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada....He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
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Have a good weekend, everybody!

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You're It!

Well, my dad tagged me with this meme. I have to answer the questions below and then tag 5 people to do the same on their blog. I doubt if 5 people even read my blog. Oh well, I'll give it a shot anyway.

1) One book that changed your life: This is a tough one, as so many books I've read have stuck with me and influenced me in some way. If I have to pick one, I guess it would be J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings." Yeah, I know it's fiction, but it's one of the first stories I remember reading and being totally enthralled with. I have read it a number of times. I have read many, many works of literature (being an English minor in college) but can't remeber any which have touched me the way this story has.

2) One book that you’d read more than once: only one? I read pretty much everything I enjoy more than once. The one book in my bookcase that I think of as "If I can't find anything else I feel like reading, I can always read this," is "River God" by Wilbur Smith. I can't even tell you how many times I have read this one.

3) One book you’d want on a deserted island: One story or just one book? If I could include a story consisting of 7 books instead of just one single book, I would say Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" series. One of the best stories ever written, IMO. And, if you're on a deserted island, you want something long.

4) One book that made you laugh: Jimmy Buffett's "Tales from Margaritaville."

5) One book that made you cry: Again, "River God." Made me laugh too.

6) One book you wish you’d written: Not a writer so don't really care. Prefer reading to writing!

7) One book you wish had never been written: I can't answer this one.

8) One book you're currently reading: "Making the Terrible Two's Terrific" by John Rosemond.
(thanks, Mom!)

9) One book you've been meaning to read: Nothing right now. Pretty much like my dad said, if I want to read something, I just go get it and read it. If I have a new book I want to read, nothing can make me put it off for very long! I guess, if anything, it would be "The Da Vinci Code."

10) Tag five people: OK, how about M.E, Faith, Peter, Pointmeister, and Steve.

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Changing Seasons

Summer is almost over. The last two mornings here in Tampa have been in the low to mid 60's. We went to the beach this past weekend, and while the water was still warm, the breeze was a little chilly when you came out. We may be able to make it to the beach once or twice more before the water gets too cold to be fun anymore. For me that's when it gets below 80.

Now it's time to start thinking about the Ski Trip!!! If any of you don't know, this is an annual event and a time honored family tradition (hence the capitals). We have made modifications and improvements on the trip and our stay in the mountains based on things we have learned from experience. Our destination, however, and the basic structure and logistics of the vacation have remained the same for 17 years. My son was not able to spend his first Christmas with any other family besides me and his father. But bringing him on his first Ski Trip with his matching sweater more than made up for it. The Ski Trip is as much, for us, of a tradition and time to celebrate family as any regular holiday is to anyone. Trevor is now part of an almost 18 year old tradition, and in a few more years he will look forward to it as much as any of us.



Other news: I took a test this weekend to attain a certification for my job. It is not required, but is definitely beneficial. I was a little nervous going in to it, but it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. They allowed 3 hours for the test, and I finished in about 1 hour. I was notified immediately that I passed (Yay!!!) but will receive the full results of what I missed and what I got right in the mail soon.

Have a great week!

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Back to Life, Back to Reality

My sister has returned home, and I am now trying to get back into normal routine. I am so glad she was here this past week, as she helped me tremendously with car shopping. The insurance company deemed my car to be totaled, therefore I got a check from them and 5 days to get a new car before I had to return my rental (provided by them).

I ended up with a Toyota Sienna minivan, pretty well loaded. It is a 2000 model, but seems to be well maintained and the history (carfax) we ran indicated no accidents or mechanical mishaps. I am very pleased with it - I have even noticed a couple extra features that I didnt' even realize were there when I first bought the car. Bonus!!!

Today was definitely Monday. It seemed like everybody was still stuck on the weekend, and most of the patients we saw today were crazy. For example, one patient had a copy of test that had been run on her in our office a couple months back. She brought it in today and pointed out to the doctor that it had her age listed as 85 years. She is 75. Someone had accidentally entered her year of birth as 1920 instead of 1930. She accused our office of doing it on purpose to embarrass her. At first I thought she was joking. She wasn't.

Another elderly patient is being treated for glaucoma. This requires medication, and checkups every 3 or 4 months. This is standard practice with glaucoma patients, as even with treatment the condition can worsen suddenly, even after being stable for a long time. This woman had not been seen in almost a year and wanted refills on her eye drops. She was told she had to come in for a checkup and visual field test before the doctor would refill her meds as she had missed 2 appointments. She showed up today bitching and moaning and saying how this whole thing was just a "battle of wills" and we had resorted to threatening to cut off her medication to "force" her to come in to the office. Believe me, my day would have been nicer if I didn't have to deal with her. There's no way I would intentionally "force" her to be anywhere near me.

These were the 2 most extreme examples, but they pretty much set the tone for the whole day.

Is there a full moon tonight, because they're coming out in droves!